Cliffs Note Version of Days 16-21

Sometimes life gives you lemons and sometimes it all out takes a dump on your head. We've sort of found ourselves in the crap all over you part. Phillips mom has been battling cancer since 2003 and recently has been put on Hospice. While right now she has been doing amazingly well and has even improved over the last couple of weeks, we are walking the finest of lines. There is no telling, especially with a woman of her determination, how long we are really looking at. As if that isn't enough (and I must tread carefully here...) we are dealing with the serious addiction of another family member. It's hard to tell how much and what this person is on, if they have just lost their mind or if it is the addiction. This person has done something that completely crossed the line, as far as I'm concerned. Because I put my foot down and got upset and said "enough is enough", I have now been labeled as the Bad Guy, anything that has gone wrong in their life in the last two weeks, the blame is put squarely on my head. Any inexcusable behavior that they have participated in is because of the hurt that I have caused them, or at least that's the broken record story. I have been shocked, and hurt, confused and angry and this unbelievable situation. I haven't been allowed to have a voice, I haven't had a chance to explain my feelings about the situation. However, they, on a daily basis continue to drag me through the mud. I have no gain to go into further detail but you'll have to trust me when I say this is a terrible and (emotionally) abusive situation. It hurts me, I hate to see my husband have to go through the pain of what is going on with his Mom and then add this on top of it. My kids have now been involved and affected. I am a Momma Bear, and you don't mess with my kids and my family. Period. I have to have faith and trust that the truth of this situation will be known. I just hope it's sooner than later and it can be resolved before it's too late.


What does this have to do with my lack of blogging? For me, it's hard, very hard, to write about fluff when there is so much heavy stuff that sits unresolved. I can do it, but the perfectionist in me doesn't accept the sub par work that results. Then I argue with myself about whether or not to post such b.s. On top of this I have felt a lot of pressure not to air my feelings regarding this situation, out of fear for what such an unstable person might do as a result of my words. At this point I am so sick and tired of not being able to confront the situation as well as not having anyway of defending myself that I'm speaking out anyway. It's not as if this person will really read what I have to say anyway. At this point they are ignoring Phillip and I. Which is the grown up version of pouting.


Enough about that. There actually have been some really good things that have come out of the last two weeks. We have decided to focus more on our family, the kids specifically. This has made a huge difference in them, in fact I would like to write a post about each of them and how they have grown through all that has happened in the last year. We'll have to save that for later. Phillip and I have grown even closer together, he has shown to me how much our family, our marriage and our relationship really mean to him. I am such a lucky woman to have a man who loves and cares for me the way only he can. We are a team, we share in the burdens we carry, the trials we face as well as the happiness and success in life. I wouldn't have it any other way.


So, if there is so much going on, why not just quit the challenge? I refuse to give up, I promised myself that I would see this through to the end. It has also been so good for me to get back into writing. I want to finish the challenge. So here we go!


Day 16: Dream house
I dream of a house that has room for our family, 5 bedrooms would be perfect. A fantastic kitchen, that is big enough for all of us and more to hang out in, more of a gathering place. A living room where fun and laughter abound. I could care less for a stuffy formal room that is full of looking and no touching. I would like a rec/movie room for the kids to hang out in and have plenty of friends over, I would love to be the 'hang out' house. We'd like a pool table, too. I want a deck with lots of comfy chairs, perfectly shaded in summer for bbq's and relaxing. A pool for the kids and a hot-tub for the old people who need to soak their stress away. A yard for kids to run themselves into exhaustion. I also dream of a master bedroom full of relaxation. A master bath with a large soaking tub as well as a master closet in perfect organization. The best part of my 'dream' home is that I believe it will be a reality soon.

Day 17: Something you're looking forward to
Aside from my dream home? I look forward to Phillip to getting a job with wonderful benefits. I also look forward to my kids being out of the sibling rivalry phase.

Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat
LOVE mexican food. It is my fav. I prefer Azteca, Phillip prefers Casa De Oro but I would never pass on either.

Day 19: Something you miss
My Grandma, always. She was my second Mom. I refer to losing her, a lot, when Phillip and I talk about what's going on with Mom. I am most grateful for all of the time I had with her, and all that she taught me. I'm pretty sure I still think about her everyday. I'm glad to know that she isn't really that far away and one day I will see her again.

Day 20: Nicknames
"Megs" I like it. Shorty when I was in school but then the rappers stole it and put it in their songs. You should see the royalty checks I'm raking in!

Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?
I was annoyingly photogenic as a child. The reason it's so annoying is that I outgrew it. I can take a decent picture now, too but I have to work a lot harder for it. There are worse problems to have, I suppose. So here is a recent pic that is my fav and an older one. There isn't one picture of all time, sorry to disappoint.

That's me in the pink blankie, with Grandma and Grandpa. This was before anyone realized I was a ball of fire!

Our wedding day! I was so happy and walking downtown Spokane in a wedding dress. Best. Day. Ever!