The Meaning of it all...or the blog title, but "it all" sounds so much more important.

When you go through something in life that changes you, good bad or otherwise, you live in it and it defines you. Which is why it is often referred to as a "defining moment". You'll have to forgive me for referencing it so often, but my divorce was one of those moments, the decision and the repercussions.
After talking with our families, and friends as well as sending a letter to everyone we could think of I was hit with a flurry of responses. Disappointed, shocked, concerned and almost always I was told how wrong I was.  People were set on telling me, with conviction, how I was ruining my children and any sort of chance they had at becoming productive members of society. They were sure to grow up as criminals and druggies, not to mention that I was setting them up to be molested by, what would surely be, the parade of boyfriends I would introduce them to. (Yes, I really was told that I was setting my kids up for sexual abuse). I was told by a friend that God had spoken to her. She said that she had a personal revelation for me and my family and that moving to Washington would destroy my family and especially my children. For once in my life I was speechless.  Of course after the conversation I thought of a thousand responses some angry, some witty, and some thought provoking. I mean here I was sitting in the midst of one of the most difficult situations of my life. Of course I was worried about how it was going to affect everyone, especially, ESPECIALLY, my children. All I heard from what I had considered my closest family and friends was how I have ruined my children. When I did hear genuine concern I would find out that those people would relay information I had shared in confidence back to my ex. Which was ridiculous because we were on good terms and readily sharing information with each other, in fact we were still living in the same house.

I knew in my heart that I was really doing what was best for my family, myself and my children. I learned to hold my hand closer to my chest and believe in myself. I went on trusting in everything I had learned about being a mother. I had to let go of what others thought they knew. It wasn't productive to go back and rehash conversations with people. As much as I wanted to, it would only feed into what they already thought they knew. I had to let it go, even if walking away from them meant they would think they were right. If you know me, you know that I am good at being right and having the last word. It was hard.

I suppose, that if it didn't inflate their heads so insanely large, I would have to thank those people for something. It is because of them that I put on my big girl panties, held my head high, and decided to prove them wrong. Even if they never really know it, I have the last word. We know the same people. I have a theory. Those people who were so transparently concerned for our well-being are secretly (or not so secretly) into gossip. If you know any of these people, go ahead and let them know we are doing amazing and we are thriving. However, I think I'll save my gratitude for my children because with or without the condescension of others I would have put on the BGP's and done the same thing for them.




My family as it is today is my endless source of pride. I am so proud of my kids for all that we've been through.  Even through all of the changes and some of the loss my kids have proven to be resilient. We just recently had parent/teacher conferences. Every single child is touted as well behaved, intelligent, extremely social and above all respectful. At home we have our ups and downs, like every family on the face of the planet. I think most of it comes down to sibling rivalry and cabin fever! We address issues as they come up. All of the kiddos remind me that they love me. They adore and respect Phillip, it has been such a blessing to watch each of their relationships grow. Phillip is a fantastic husband and in all my life I have never met two people who are on the same page of parenting as easily as Phillip and I. We aren't just on the same page, we are on the same word, in the same sentence in the same paragraph. I am so proud to call him my husband! I have also given up the need to convince others of this, if they deserve to still be a part of our life then they will figure it out over time. They will form their own opinions and come to their own conclusions. In the meantime, this is our family and we're Thriving!